Letters of the Alphabet!
Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!
{A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there.
{C} Can't Complain!
{D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang!
{E} Enormous
{F} Fake.
{G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up!
Small boobs
He said... I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said...You wear briefs, don't you?
What religion is your bra?
A man walked into the ladies' department of a Macy's and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk. "Type?" inquires the man, "There's more than one type?" "Look around," said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, colour and material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bra to choose from." Relieved, the man asked about the types.
The saleslady replied "There are the Catholic, the Salvation Army, the Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?" Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them.
The Saleslady responded, "It is all really quite simple... The Catholic type supports the masses. The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen. The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright, and the Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."
Another bra joke ...
Specialty Bras I've given this "day bra" thing quite a bit of thought, perhaps more than it deserves and I've come up with other market niches that bra manufacturers can exploit. Sure there's the day bra, the evening bra, the sports bra, and wonder bra, these we know. But there could be so much more.
The Bad Date Bra. Niche: women on blind dates, and daughters of over-protective parents. Features: Doesn't use hooks. There's an actual hasp and padlock. The straps are tied together at the shoulder with steel tape. The cups are made from a hard plastic to prevent unwanted grasps. Advisory: This bra may cause callouses. Also available: Matching chastity belt.
The Desperate Date Bra. Niche: Women who haven't gotten any in a while. Features: Sheer. Every place two pieces of fabric meet, instead of being sewn, there is a small velcro connection. Caution: When wearing this bra, avoid brisk walking or moderate to high winds. This is a single-use bra. Cost: $2.50.
The Air Force Bra. Niche: Female combat pilots. MilSpec 87-37487: Made entirely of fiberglass, graphite and kevlar fibers for strength, stealth and resistance to shrapnel. Thermally shielded to maintain temperature inside cups from -43 to 135 degrees F. Holds contents in place up to 9 G's. Requires special tools and a TO to put on and remove. Cost: $4,000.
The Construction Worker Bra. Niche: Female construction workers and welders. Features: Made entirely of steel. Cups are a wire mesh, straps are steel tape, I-beam underwire, hooks in back with screws and wing nuts. Can be substituted for bad date bra. Caution: Avoid magnetic fields.
The Air Force Command Post Bra. Niche: 24 hour operators. Features: Similar to ordinary bra with attachments. Detects sleeping operator and provides stimulating electric shock. Automatically tightens the longer it is worn. Colors available: Brown, Chocolate, and Mahogany.
The Engineer's Bra. Niche: Female engineers a.k.a. "The SWE crowd" Features: Designed on CAD. Stress-analyzed twisted-wire suspension cables. Safety factor of 1.7 Rigorously tested for resistance to groping by male engineers. Has pockets for mechanical pencils, and calculato . Cost: $73.46* *Plus %15 contingency.
Computer User's Bra version 2.2: Niche: Female computing professionals Features: Built-in pockets for holding 3.5" floppy disks and CD-ROMs. On the other cup is an LCD screen with scrolling Dilbert comics. Cups lined with lead to protect wearer from monitor X-rays. Hooks in back with serial connector. (Parallell connector availble for larger sizes.) More info: http://www.nerdbra.com Retail Price: $89.95 Street Price: $49.95.
Biker Bra. Niche: Female motorcycle riders Features: Made entirely of leather, except for straps made of motorcycle drive chain. Uses zipper instead of hooks. Reflectors in the front for night riding safety (DOT Approved). Areodynamicly shaped to slice through air and minimize insect build-up. Options: Electricly heated model available for winter use. Holster model, add $20. Colors: Available only in black.
Personal Security Bra. Niche: Paranoid women. Features: Constructed of woven Kevlar fibers for bullet resistance. Has integrated holsters for mace, knife, and .22 pistol. Battery pack powers built-in stun-gun and personal alarm.
Things that might amuse you ...
Humans are by no means the only species that uses deception as a means of attaining resources, furthering social status, or even surviving. For instance, some female fireflies in the genus Photirus will mimic the mating flashes of a female in the Photinus genus to attract a male of the Photinus genus. Then they eat him.
Wonder bra
"In the last couple of weeks, I have seen the ads for the Wonder Bra. Is that really a problem in this country? Men not paying enough attention to women's breasts?"
Success of the Wonder Bra
The success of the "Wonder Bra" for under-endowed women has encouraged the designers to come out with a new bra for over-endowed women. It's called the "Sheep Dog Bra".
It rounds 'em up and points them in the right direction!
Magic bras . . . and more!
A woman went to the doctor asking for larger breasts. The doctor gave her the choice of either having implants or wearing a magic bra. "When you flap your arms up and down, the bra inflates," the doctor explained.
Of course, the women chose the bra.
The next day she was out at a bar with girlfriends and noticed an attractive man sitting at the end of the bar. Flapping her arms, she strolled over to flirt with the man and he started flapping his legs.
"I see we have the same doctor," the man said.
Q. What is the definition of a glass bra?
A. Smash and grab
Q. What is the definition of a red bra
A. Danger, Men working below
Q. What do you call a Stone Age Bra?
A. Over Shoulder Boulder Holder
Q. What is the definition of an American Bra?
A. One yank and it's off
Women stated that computer should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem;
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer you could have had a better model.
Men conclude that computers should be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but the Creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for later retrieval;
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
You may have already come across this one, but anyway, if you've ever had a mammogram, Im sure you'll relate...
Many women are anxious about mammograms, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.
EXERCISE ONE:Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough.
EXERCISE TWO: Visit your garage at 3AM when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect. Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.
EXERCISE THREE: Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.
YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!
cosmetics
Two ladies where having lunch together and discussing the merits of
Cosmetic Surgery
The first lady says: "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job done."
The second lady replies: "Ooh that's nothing, I'm thinking of having my a**ehole bleached!"
To which the first lady responds: "Wow.........I just can't picture your husband as a blonde........"